Everyone with a keyboard asked "who would be upset about moving to Hawaii?" after hearing this morning's news. But who would want to move to Hawaii?

Hawaii would be a terrible place to live. It's hot and humid every day of the year, everything is twice as expensive as it is on the mainland, there are tourists everywhere, nature is constantly trying to kill you, and you're 2,000 miles from the rest of the world.

In other words, if Hawaii had a pavilion at Epcot, it wouldn't have a ride and they'd offer a 20-minute movie you'd have to stand and watch. Who would want to live in a crappy Epcot pavilion?

Nobody, that's who.